This week is Home-Birth week, and I have been given permission from homebirth org and the fathers to post their amazing stories.

Enjoy

- Eric

Brent's home birth story

On 20 September last year Emily gave birth to our beautiful daughter Tui Suzanne. She is just the calmest, sweetest baby I have ever known.

Tui was born at our home in a birthing pool in the same room as her beautiful sister, Maia, who died inside Emily’s womb (at 10 days overdue) in late July 2006. We heartbreakingly buried our baby Maia at Taita Cemetery, close to a rangy gum tree where tui keep watch over her grave.

To start with it was hard not to call Tui, Maia, even though she already had her own name. Tui is so heavenly though that I’m sure Maia’s hands have woven some magical threads into what she hears, sees, understands and will become. Tui’s eyes and face shine with some deep understanding of what has come before.

So much has happened in the last year and a half, which has just rushed by... the arrival and departure of our baby Maia, already more than her lifetime ago, the joy of the safe arrival of Tui and an endless longing for Maia, our beautiful, feisty Maia, who had other plans. I want Maia to be with us too.

We also have a six-year-old son, Mika, who was also born at home, but in Lyttelton. I remember spending countless hours wandering around the house doing moves from the School of Silly Walks trying to get him to sleep. Each time I met with success and tried to put him down again he would mysteriously open his enquiring eyes. Mika is a very clever boy who learnt to read by the age of four... due in part because he’s probably been awake 50% longer than your average six-year-old! Mika was on hand soon after Maia was born and he snipped her cord. We also woke him up shortly before Tui was born. Soon after, he vanished only to turn up a few minutes later in his togs and very soon the whole family was in the pool.

Mika, at four, being the only person in the house, was also the main support person when Emily had a miscarriage, so he’s really been through a lot for a little guy.

It seemed very strange to have baby Tui sleep so well at night and not to need me to spring round the house with her in my arms. To start with it felt like I wasn’t bonding with her enough because she hardly seemed to need any fatherly attention. I do get smiles now and she is so lovely.

After Maia was born, she spent a few days with us at home. Maia didn’t cry either, or need me to jiggle her around the house. It was so nice having her with us, although the last few days were imbued with the thought that time with our baby was running out. It was so horrible when she had her autopsy; it changed her and she smelt of chemicals. We didn’t need to do that, but I understand and accept why we did it. It’s not nice having somebody cut your baby, however friendly that person is.

I am proud that we had the courage to make many of our own choices about how we welcomed and farewelled our baby Maia. I am also hugely grateful to those around us who in their own ways gave us the space and strength to make those choices. I am also forever indebted to those who rallied around us and stood by us in our sadness and grief - your depths of kindness and compassion overwhelms me.

Maybe I needed Tui to cry more - to be troublesome like Maia never was - but I’m over that now. It’s much nicer anyhow, when she just snuggles in and makes all her sweet little snuffly noises and does her gurgle talk.

Babies are so strong, I’d forgotten that too. It is so neat how babies and children use their bodies. It doesn’t seem so long ago that Mika was mastering the art of spoon control or getting ready to say his own name. Such fun watching them get ready for success over a period of days or weeks.

When Mika was born he peered into the soft lighting from behind his hands, Tui had one eye closed when she was born, then would repeatedly open the closed eye and close the open eye. We never got to see Maia’s eyes; they were always closed... they would have been beautiful eyes. She was grey and floppy when she was born. I remember looking down and there she was sagging in the water. We could have held her forever she was so beautiful.

I am happy, sometimes sad, and I am very lucky.

I am really grateful that all our children have been born at home. If you are able to and want to and it works out, then, in my view there is no better way.

- Brent

Beautiful child
Sleeping, turning, swirling, dying
Into our arms and hearts
Forever a bird girl
Always flying
Way up high
Watching, waiting
Until I can have you in my arms again
My darling Maia.

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