Pain In Childbirth Is Not ‘The Problem’

Dear DIYFather-to-be:

The greatest fear that men have about childbirth is the pain. Pain at any other time of life is connected to: illness, injury and possibly death. It’s very difficult for many people to fully understand that pain in childbirth is unique and must be treated differently.

Here’s the good news:

• There is no medical problem in childbirth that is associated with pain. Pain is part of the natural process of letting a very big object out of a body no matter how much it hurts.
• You and your pregnant partner can learn pain management skills so together you can work with your baby’s efforts to come down, through and out of her body.
• The pain is connected to opening the cervix. It is the management of this pain that makes the difference in how both of you view birth for years afterwards. With skills you can feel wonderful about your combined abilities. Without skills both of you can feel overwhelmed.
• During 2nd stage when your baby is moving down through the birth canal there is little pain. If there is pain it is localized in the tissue of the birth canal particularly if you have not prepared your pregnant partner’s body to open that tissue more easily.

If you have any doubts about whether the pain in your child’s birth is connected to a problem then you need to ask your midwife/specialist to give you a list of those conditions. If none of those conditions exist then there is ‘no problem’ with the pain. This does not mean there aren’t other ‘problems’ but these ‘problems’ are not connected to pain. This is why childbirth is unique. Usually pain is directly connected to the ‘problem’.

Here’s some more good news:

• If you and your partner will have a non-labouring Caesarean you can still enjoy preparing for your baby’s birth during pregnancy then use your birth and coaching skills throughout the surgery and in recovery when there may be pain. Why not? You’ll feel more involved and connected.
• If you and your partner have an emergency Cesarean after labouring then you still have your great skills to continue to use …why not.

There’s one more thing you need to know. While the medical profession focuses on the high rates of medical intervention you get to focus on how well you do. A rugby/cricket match isn’t always about whether you win or lose it’s about how you play.

Skilled families always feel more positive about their births because they know they birthed better rather than expected a better birth.

With this new understanding spend the last precious months of pregnancy learning how to:

• Prepare your pregnant partner’s body to let out a big object. Giving birth is an exercise in plumbing … a 3 dimensional object (your baby) has to come out of the inside of another 3 dimensional object (your partner’s body). Men are so good at this!
• Learn, practice and then use together the birth and coaching skills that will allow you to always work with your baby’s efforts to come out.

You are becoming a DIYFather-to-be. Congratulate yourself.

For the essential pregnancy and birth skills for both expectant parents go to www.birthingbetter.com and get The Pink Kit Package. The author of this article is Wintergreen, a Trustee to the New Zealand registered charitable Trust called Common Knowledge that produces The Pink Kit Method For Birthing Better®.