Posted with permission from familymatters.vision.org

Does family research stigmatize single mothers and their children?

Before we finish talking about singles, it seems appropriate to consider the particular challenges of single parents. If I revert to using the term "single mothers" more often than not, it's only because single parents tend to be mothers more often than not.

The most common accusations made against "family restorationists" have to do with political and economic concerns. For instance, in an essay titled "Politics of Family Structure," author and family scholar Arlene Skolnik says that—although there are some "family restorationists" who aren't trying to introduce drastic legislation—most of them:

use a language of moral failure and cultural decline to account for family change. They all seek to revive the stigma that used to surround divorce and single motherhood. To change the cultural climate, they call for government and media campaigns like those that have been successful against smoking and drinking. They also propose a number of policy changes, including making divorce harder, or even outlawing it, for parents with minor children. Some have also advocated restrictions on AFDC [Aid for Dependent Children] benefits to unmarried mothers.

The well-being of American children should be an urgent concern of policymakers. Focusing our national attention on the needs and problems of families raising children could be enormously positive. However, the current family structure crusade is playing by the family values scripts of the l980's. The result is that the issue is framed, "Are you for or against the two-parent family?" This approach paints critics into an anti-family corner. This approach of stigmatizing single parents, cutting off welfare, and restricting access to divorce may harm large numbers of children and deepen the very social ills they are trying to remedy.

If we're honest with ourselves, we must admit that trying to untangle the economic and political threads of the problem enough to attempt to legislate human relationships is futile. But not all family restorationists are seeking to stigmatize single mothers or attempting to influence legislation. The strength of human relationships is determined by the interactions of individuals, not by government institutions.

Why must acknowledging that fathers are important in their children's lives stigmatize single mothers? What it should do, is inform the entire community about the special challenges single mothers face, and encourage others to form relationships beyond nuclear family lines within their communities. It should also encourage good fathers to spend quality time with their children so mothers don't bear the full responsibility alone.

If it helps motivate those in troubled marriages to strengthen their relationships and revive the love they once had, that also has to be a good thing for each parent as well as for their children. After all, personal growth is constructive, and restoring relationships requires a deep level of personal growth for both partners because there is rarely only one person at fault when relationships break down. However, no thinking person would suggest that a mother should remain in a violent or abusive relationship just so her children can have a father.

Rather than stigmatizing or ostracizing, research that points out the importance of family relationships should inspire a single mother's surrounding community to do just that—surround, encourage, help. And there are many practical ways each of us can participate, without pushing legislation or having any official standing.

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