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The effects of Abortion on men

Resources for men coming to terms with a recent abortion:

  • There’s a Milwaukee-based National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing and sponsored by the Knights of Columbus and the Archdiocese of San Francisco
  • Papers / research
    • “Men and Abortion: A Review of the Research”
    • “Trauma and Abortion”
    • “Sociology of Fatherhood and Abortion”
    • “Medicating the Pain of Lost Fatherhood”
    • “Looking for Their Pain In all the Wrong Places”
    • “Forgiveness Therapy with Post- Abortion Men.”
    • Dr Vincent Rue – “Post abortion Syndrome,” or “Post-abortion Trauma” (published in 1984 on the impact of abortion on men)

There is a great deal of evidence that women suffer from the aftermath of abortion, but post-abortion syndrome is not as well documented in men, who may suffer even more anger and grief because they aren’t given a choice in what happens to their child.

6 Responses to The effects of Abortion on men

  1. Unknown says:

    My girlfriend is pregnant. we decided to go through with the abortion. We both definitely are not ready to be parents. I promised myself and her because of this I would get my life together. I’m scared because if we were to keep the baby I know it would be a life of misery and resentment towards each other. I really support this decision of going through this abortion, but I’m worried how it will impact her. I told her that I would be with her through the whole thing. I know that I am not ready to be a parent and because of this. I decided that I will get my act together so when the next time this happens. I will be happy with her without tears of sadness. I can’t I wont go through that experience of that again… Especially with the look on her face… I want this experience to prepare me to be a ready and proper parent… Especially for her

  2. anonymous says:

    ive just found out my girlfriend was pregnant and had an abortion yesterday. I only found out today and she is full of resentment towards me for having to go through it alone. I didnt even have a chance. I would have wanted to know. I would have wanted to be there. I would have wanted it to be real for me and it been discussed. Yesterday morning and this morning (before finding out) i have been so depressed and not known why. I’ve had this irrational suicidal urge. And now ive realised that perhaps that was systemic from a part of me being killed. yes im angry. I wanted to know. I wanted to have a say, to be there. yeah i feel powerless and anxious. And i dont know how to help my girlfriend and how to proceed. Its fucked because you feel like you gotta be strong to help her through what shes going through. She doesnt want anyone to know, so i feel like i cant talk to anyone about it. I cant express my feelings to her, because i have alot of negative resentment feelings towards her. Yeh this is hard

  3. anonymous says:

    Im 16 years old. My girlfriend was pregnant, i only found out, not through her, when she was already 6 weeks in :/ . We talked about it for the next week discussing it etc etc it sounds so easy when said like that but that doesnt take into account emotions, mixed feelings, excitment, fear, numbness… She wanted to run away, never let me find out she was pregnant and keep the baby, but obviously i did find out and i couldnt live my normal life of going to college meeting other girls, new friends whilst knowing that somewhere out there i have a child who would most probably be in care and a girlfriend who i can honestly say i love with all my heart alone trying to cope or worse dead as she said if it went into care shed commit suicide, and i wasnt taking that lightly as she had tried to before.. :/ we came to the decision of an abortion. not easily :( but we came to that decision. this was further complicated bu her not being able to get refered as she was under 16 and needed parental consent but eventually due to the help of a teacher she got refered and on saturday (2 days ago) she had the abortion. right now she refuses to talk to me although i spoke to her last night and she said how she needed me and loved me which i know. this is hard is an understatment. at the moment i think i hate myself, i am depressed and grieving for the loss of my child.. :/ she is also. but i think this was the right choice :/ i thought about never being allowed to meet my kid following me for the rest of my life but i never thought of the grief and guilt that would follow me :( i think my girlfriend blames me, she says i dont love her because if i did i would have let her go :( ive got a million reasons why this was the right choice but when it comes to it right now all im thinking of is my child that ive lost. this is more than hard. Im only 16, my mates dont know, i have to pretend to be normal around them, but in a way this helps, it helps me not lose track of reality, i feel like the past 12 weeks since she first got pregnant ive grown up and to be honest its not a good feeling. like i said i despise myself at the moment :/ and it will take time i spose. In fact just got off the phone to her this minute, everything feels better when you have each other, it helps the feeling of loss seem smaller, its important to talk. This is the worst thing i have ever been through in my life and a friend of mine who was very very close to my girlfriend killed herself about a week after my gf got pregnant although at the time she didnt know she was pregnant. if she was still her i know things would have been easier, the most important thing is to not go through it alone. It is so so hard, times when we’ve been out and seen babys in pushchairs etc have been the worst, even if we had managed to take our mind off what was going to happen that brings it right back like a ten ton weight dropping on your head. I never want to go through this again. It is hard (understatement).
    I should also add i have no idea how this happened in the first place as it was the first time we had sex and my first time altogether and we used protection and nothing went wrong :/ it was a shock to say the least. I hope this helps someone in some way if they are looking for stories or anything, it helped me and is still helping me to read other peoples stories although im not sure if this will be read or not i dont know how old this post thing is, but i hope this helps someone else in the same position as me. your not alone

  4. anonymous says:

    I am in a situation that led me to research the effects of abortion on men, and I came across your article. All of the facts I mention below became known to me only in the past month.

    My husband has been working in Afghanistan for just over a year. In February of this year, he commenced an affair with a woman also working there. In mid April she told him she was pregnant. He was happy, and immediately asked me for a divorce (not mentioning the reason) and took time choosing names and looking forward to a life with the woman and their child. She decided to abort, and although he tried to dissuade her, she went ahead with it. Their relationship lasted until mid August or even perhaps September, I am not certain. She supposedly was reconciled with her husband in June, but continued to see my husband secretly. She had told her husband about the affair in April sometime, and he approached my husband several times during the months between April and November, wanting to know more about the affair, and threatening my husband.

    The woman and her husband went on leave together for a month , Oct/Nov. They returned to the military base where all 3 worked on 25 November. On this day the husband approached my husband at the airport, and asked him whether I knew of all the details of the affair. A physical confrontation ensued during which my husband stabbed the other man quite seriously.

    My husband is now being held and awaiting trial.

    I know that the abortion disturbed him terribly. I only know now that the reason for his inability to sleep, his anxiety attacks and depression, his quick to anger moods and outbursts, and also being hospitalised for chest pains which tests showed to be phantom, were a result of his grief over the abortion.

    He never spoke to me about the abortion until now, since he has been arrested., and we have discussed the affair and the consequences in depth.

    I am most concerned that this aspect of the emotional impact will not be acknowledged in the case.

    I would be grateful for your thoughts on this matter.

  5. worldpharmarx says:

    Good post.

  6. casio says:

    3 weeks ago my girlfriend started to get sick, we thought it was just a viral thing but then we got urine tests and they came semi positive and then went to the doctor and got a positive blood test. We are both 31, we have only been together for 8 months but have known each other for 17 years, we had already planned our wedding before knowing this and are intensely in love. She has always said she never wanted kids but we never used contraceptives. She immediately wanted an abortion but I felt such a connection with the baby (she was 6 weeks by then) that I strongly expressed my reasons for keeping it. She agreed to keep it and we set up plans to fly home (we were overseas). We thought of names, places to live. We told all our friends and family and everyone got great joy from hearing the news. My partner was quite ill over the next few weeks with morning sickness, I tried to take her to hospital for a drip but she refused. One day after she had been talking to a friend she told me on the way home that she was going to have an abortion. This was 2 weeks of thinking i was going to have a child.I was mortified and cried instantly. She said she was only having it for me and she felt nothing for it which hurt me even more to think that she felt this way about our unborn child. I went quite and had bouts of anger that I kept to myself, I cut myself with a knife on my hand a few times. to try move the pain out of me but it did nothing. I had so much anger more than i’ve ever felt, i’m normally quite passive, on one hand I loved her and tried hard to support her but on the other i felt the complete opposite to her and viewed what she was doing was killing our child. She had the abortion yesterday, I have been as supportive as i can be to her and have been hiding my feelings as best i can. I feel that throughout this experience the man has little sympathy offered to him whilst the woman is given a bucketload. I have been crying a lot and still feel anger and numbness. I am now worried if we are going to make it as a couple because she is the one responsible for this pain i feel. I completely understand that she didn’t want to be a mother but i feel a complete lack of control of that part of my life, My opinion didn’t matter in the long run and now I don’t have a child on the way.

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