When I grew up, all the boys I knew were fearful of turning into that guy from Sorry … remember the show – he was 40 odd, and still living with his mum.

If you’ve got teens, you’ll know that most of them just can’t wait to move out , but there are some who seem a little more settled. So how do you get them to pack their bags and set up a life of their own, while still leaving them in tact emotionally and still loving you.

I think that sometimes the nest is just way too comfortable – like living in a hotel … room service, with meals made, bed made, washing done and probably folded too … there is just no carrot better that what they already have, there’s no real incentive to entice them out into the big bad world, to do it on their own.

The reality is that sometimes love must be tough. Sometimes love is packing their bags and finding them a flat, sometimes love is charging them the same amount of board that they would have to pay in rent, sometimes love is saying, like my mum did – If you want the car, you put in $10 petrol – no matter how far you go. And sometimes love is leaving their bed unmade, the laundry unwashed and telling them that they sometimes have to do the grocery shopping or cook a meal.

There comes a time when its ok to gently but forthrightly hand the reins over to your child and force him to stand on his own.

Tim Sisarich, Executive Director Focus on the Family NZ as heard on Scrubcutters , Newstalk ZB

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