Baby boasters.

What is it with those signs that new parents hang in the back window of their cars saying “baby on board” or something similar? That sort of thing just deserves ridicule because it is, well, ridiculous. I mean what does it say to the driver following behind? “Please excuse me for driving dangerously slowly” or “please don’t crash into the back of me like you normally would.” Either way, to me it is entirely unnecessary and annoying as; firstly there is no excuse for bad driving and secondly I always drive carefully. In fact, I have never had so much as a bump.

I heard the other day that people defend these signs be saying they are useful in the event of an RTA, so the police realize that they need to account for a baby in the wreckage. Oh yeah, well how come they don’t remove the signs when they are not carrying their baby on board? What happens in the event of an RTA then, when rescue personnel frantically search for a baby that isn’t there and waste precious time?

Of course, the real reason for those signs has nothing to do with safety consideration at all. It has to do with pride. Those signs are badges of honour. They really say “hey, look at us, we’ve got a baby, aren’t we great” as if it is an achievement, as opposed to being the inevitable product of mating, which is what our procreative instincts dictate.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my children completely, but their biological creation was not the achievement. In fact it was an incidental component of life. I have worked much harder to achieve other things to be able to raise our children in a happy home, and I am also very proud of how they are turning out as the result of our considered parenting efforts, but their conception, gestation and arrival was, by far, the easiest part. Even my wife would concur ... probably! Being the dutiful husband and father can be like that, don’t you find?

By Gerard Cheshire