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Children after separation and divorce
Submitted by eric on Sat, 25/08/2007 - 10:28pm
50% of all marriages fail and it is higher for the second marriage and so on, with that in mind is Separation and Divorce considered normal? My mother left the family home when I was just 7, it was still the 70s and divorce wasn't yet that common, my friends still had an intact family. My brother and I were brought up by our father, we had no idea anymore of what was normal. All you know is that you don't see one of your parents as often as you would like. 12 years later I am separated from my first wife, with 3 babies. Is this me keeping the cycle of broken families alive? I think of my children all the time, I know what it's like to not have your parents around; there is a loss of self expression and freedom especially when you do see the missing parent. I see it sometimes with my own children with me, not so much now, but definitely when they were younger and my time with them was less. There was a resistance to getting close to me, just as it had been with me to my mother. Like self protection, not wanting to get hurt and have your feelings hurt, you would hold yourself back, not a lot of fun for a child to do. I have seen my children and other children from broken families not feel free to talk about their time with the other parent, as if it would hurt the feelings of the parent they are with at the time. I believe children should express their feelings, no matter how much it may hurt the feelings of the parent. I believe in being a role model for my children and only saying good and positive things of their mother, no matter what. Children need both their mother and their father. Related Articles
 
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Mediation is a great tool
Mediation is a great tool while going through a divorce, however it does require a commitment from both parents.
Greeting. Wicked site. nice
Greeting. Wicked site. nice work.
children should not be hurt
children should not be hurt when divorce. I agree with u, anyway, children should express their true feeling..
when we got married we "gave
when we got married we "gave our live to the lord" and relized we wanted to be together so we endured consel and got married. close to a year later her job wanted her to have a cell phone so i had it turned on in my name cause her credit. a couple months go by and I notice a separation feeling deep inside me. the lord laid it on my mind that theres another dude in the mix. since the phone was in my name i got a complete call log. friend God cannot lie. I called the unknown numbers and found the voice of a man speaking i made a couple promisses 2 him and confronted her about the whole thing w/name of dude..a a few months pass and we decided to have a child and so we did.. 3 years go by we have another child and we are living in our very own house wich her mother co signed for. from 03 08 to 10 08 i received the same feelings but more intense i knew something wasup went out dreesed up as slutty nurse at a bar she tore apart my 6 yr olds outfit to make this nurse appearel i told her that night its these friends or me and our kids she walked out and was gone all night. i asked her who the dude was cause she would never put her phone down for 6 months she gave me a name of a man who was not interested. so she leaves me cause she finally had enough of the lies she was living boo hoo.a couple days go by i tell her i want to see my kids she say fine and shell go visit her dad well about 4 hrs go by and then i call her she answers but does not speak and the background noise is that of a bar, i called every bar in town and could not find my wife i called her 10-15 times each time she answered the phone the same way finally after the kids are in bed she calls and says the car wont start (because i disabled the computer that evening) and she is hammered i took her home and finally got her phone, we got into a fight and she hit me for about 45 minutes then i got a chance to look at the magnatude of conversation she was having with so many men she continued to hit me so i slapped her back. that was it immediately she was with another man. thats a good Christain aint it e-mail me at mt.three@yahoo,com
My wife never matured in our
My wife never matured in our relationship. No interests, no passions, she looked to me for all of her fulfillment and happiness. She has always had a low self-esteem, and no amount of talking with her could get her to understand that she is a strong person and somebody worth loving.
After 8 years of marriage and two little kids, I called it quits. I was emotionally drained and physically exhausted all the time; you can't be the interests, fulfillment, and happiness of two people! Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not a life-long therapy session.
From my experience (I have been divorced for about a year), I have the following advice:
1. If you are not happy in your marriage (I don't mean superficial happiness, I mean emotional well-being), then you are in no position to be a good parent. Your temper will flare, you will not have patience, and you will not be able to show your kids the love they deserve.
2. Post-divorce, my relationship with my children has actually improved! I had some very honest discussions with my five-year-old daughter, and I found that her greatest fear was that daddy or mommy might abandon her. I assured her that neither of us will EVER abandon her, and we each share custody of the kids every week (on a 3-4-3 schedule). We (my ex and I) are both happier; she is discovering herself and growing up, I am no longer responsible for another person's mental stability. Our kids see it, and they've adjusted well.
Divorce sucks, but sometimes it's actually a better choice than staying together. This goes for both the parents and the children.
i am not really sure how
i am not really sure how high the divorce rate is. People keep using the 50% rule but where does this come from
Indeed the divorce rates are
Indeed the divorce rates are dramatically high and in my opinion kids are the victims here, they are the victims of their own "irreconcilable" parents. How hard can it be to get marital help as a last effort to show your kids you fought for your marriage?
Thank you for your
Thank you for your encouraging comment, all too often fathers are picked off from the family, are we really that easy a target?
Stand for your children you are always going to be their father, so stand for it, be proud, keep trying and stay positive.
my little guy is now 3 mths
my little guy is now 3 mths old and have only seen him twice as his mum and i seperated when he was still in the womb .i so much want to be the dad to him he deserves but there is one very hurt mum standing in my way of doing this .have had to put a parenting oreder into the court for access and that was a huge decision to make but a very wise one in hindsight .just want people to realise that every child deserves their mum and dad in their lives no matter how hard it is for the parents to get on this child is and was produced by the 2 parents and is here for life .so let the past remain the past and do what ever you can for your children they deserve it
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