Dads and separation - are we really separating?

Submitted by stefan on Wed, 31/08/2011 - 1:56pm

You might be going through a difficult time in your relationship and may find yourself asking what the future holds. Separation often seems a possible or likely scenario if you believe your relationship is beyond repair. However it's also important to understand that separation is not the answer to all problems and it’s certainly not an easy solution for your family. But whatever happens, your relationship with your children is most important and their needs must be put first, while also acknowledging your own. No matter what happens – your role as a dad is for life. It helps to put things in perspective when you keep this as a guiding principle to whatever you decide.

If you consider separation as an option you will need to think of just about all aspects of your life and how separation will affect them. Things like finances, where you all will live and who gets to keep what are some examples of decisions that might need to be made. The thought of going through all that can be quite overwhelming so it’s good to get some advice and help before you start making decisions.

The first thing to do is talk to the Citizens Advice Bureau or a lawyer. They can get you started with information about financial support that may be available and direct you to other helpful services such as counselling and/or accessing legal advice and support.

Whatever you do, seeking legal help is definitely worth considering. Counselling is something you may want to think about as it can help you understand what has led to the current situation and what you can do to get to a better place. For example a counsellor can suggest communication strategies you can use with your partner to improve the state of the relationship (even if it is just to make the process of separation less traumatic for every one involved). Remember you are doing all these things for your children and anything you can do to avoid additional stress for your kids should be worth exploring. Once you have done all that, you may want to reconsider your options.

Key take aways:

Separation doesn't mean all your problems are fixed. It is useful to try and understand how your relationship got to the current situation so you can move forward.

Think carefully about all the pro's and con's of separating before you make any decisions. Avoid making rash decisions when you are worked up about something.