Dads and separation - what happens to separated dads in NZ?

In most cases it is the mother who ends up looking after the children with fathers restricted to limited weekend visits and holiday times (although the starting position for time with children is actually 50 / 50). Some men choose not to be involved at all. As a result of reduced access dads often end up having a limited role in raising their children. It is a harsh reality having to face up to the likely possibility of only being able to see your children on a part-time basis.

Following separation, many dads experience some form of grief about being separated from their children and some dads mention a loss of identity not only as a partner but also as a full-time father.

For most dads, once they have separated they are largely unprepared for the criticism and negative attitudes that are given to single fathers by the public. Unfortunately the media have not helped this situation with reports in the press of fathers not paying child support or neglecting their parental responsibilities. Given this situation it is difficult to keep a positive attitude and some fathers will feel isolated or find it difficult to get help.

So it is worth getting prepared and focusing on the many things you can do in your children’s lives rather than what you can’t do.

Key take aways:

1. Be prepared to work hard to get your concerns as a father expressed and understood.


2. Do your best to work with your ex partner in order to help raise your children together until they are old enough to look after themselves.

Important links and more information about separation:

• Pathways through separation


• Supporting Kiwi dads


• Parenting through separation courses. Provided by the Ministry of Justice for free at 170 locations across the country


• Community Law Centres


• Legal Services Agency


• Youth Law - for dads aged 25 and younger


• Family Law information


• Citizens Advice Bureau