Explaining the facts of life

Our eldest son has reached the age where he is curious about how babies are created. Enter the perennial problem; how to explain sex to a child. I chose the straightforward approach, reasoning that if I explained sex in a matter-of-fact way then he would quickly grow bored and move on to another topic of discussion. It went something like this: “Well, it’s just like the animals you see mating on nature programs. The male puts some sperm inside the female to fertilize her egg and that makes a seed which grows into a baby. How was school today? Which classes do you like the best? What would you like for supper?” He replied with a question I wasn’t expecting: “How come you still do it when you don’t want any more babies?”

Firstly; how did he know that we still do it? Secondly, how do you explain that mum and dad still have sex for pleasure? Naturally I considered placing the burden of responsibility on the shoulders of my wife, but then imagined her reaction at realising that our son had heard, or worse seen, us in flagrante delicto. It was clearly down to me to provide an adequate answer before he went for the second opinion!

I surprised myself by arriving at an anthropological solution to the problem that did the trick. I explained that as humans are so intelligent and curious they simply would never get round to having sex if they hadn’t evolved to find it irresistibly enjoyable, due to myriad other more fascinating and less messy distractions. As a result people are compelled to have sex even when procreation is not the object of the exercise. Well, I say exercise, actually our bedroom activities, like all other activities, are quite leisurely these days. Being the dutiful husband and father can be like that, don’t you find?

By Gerard Cheshire