Fatherless Sons as Fathers

I didn't have a father growing up. I don't say that with grief or sorrow, because it was probably best for many reasons. Still, as a new father, I wonder how I go about this thing called fathering, when I have never experienced it or seen it done.

I did have a wonderful maternal grandfather who took up a lot of the slack and was a friend, mentor, coach, and confidant. I guess this is fathering. Or is it grandfathering?

I also take comfort from the fact that I didn't see it done badly. I really am a blank slate, which is why I am here on DIYfather.com and trying to get in touch with other fathers to find out how they are doing it.

There have to be heaps of other sons of single mothers out there that are now becoming fathers. A University of Chicago study found that the number of children in single-mother households increased 417% between 1980 and 1998. I realize that this would include many households where the father lives elsewhere but is active and involved. Excluding those, I imagine that the number of households with completely absent fathers increased during that period too. So, there will be more fathers like me to come.

It appears that this trend, or at least the effects of it, has largely escaped the agencies charged with parent support and education. As is being made increasingly clear on this site, there just isn’t much support for fathers.

This trend also tracks an increase in television watching. I hope other boys and men like me are not taking cues from the TV. If I learned everything I needed to know about fathering from TV, I would be sitting on the couch drinking beer and scratching myself and yelling at my wife and/or the screaming kids.

There are books on growing up fatherless, which tend to be psychobabble. Other books cover fathering sons and others fathering daughters, but I don't want to have read a different book and change my style if our next child is a daughter. And most importantly, I have found book learning about useless where my infant is concerned.

So (obviously), I have thought and thought about this. What if there were a one-on-one mentoring program for fathers? A dad that has been there and done that is paired with a new first-time, who can have as much contact as he wants or needs (within reason). I am sure I am not the first to think of this, but I can't find any information about one in my area. Does anyone know if such a program exists or want to help me start one?

-Brandon