First officer dad

I'm a full time working Dad and my wife is a stay at home Mum. We have two kids under 3 and we've just recently got to the stage where my wife is now able to go out more. She can do a little part time work, go to the Doctor or Dentist, do some study or meet some friends without the kids so that leaves me running the ship. I use to be scared of this concept, now I love it.

I've learnt that in most parenting teams there is a hierarchy. Whether it's Mum or Dad, there is a leader. There's the Captain and the First Officer if you like. (Hat tip by the way to the stay at home Captain Dads and First Officer Mums...)

I am First Officer in our family. I can make some pretty big decisions but the final call rests with Captain Mum. The good news is that as the kids (crew?) get older and more independent I’m getting to fly the ship more often and the transition into this phase is happening right now.

Hands up if you’ve been out mowing the lawn, finished, looked back admiringly on your straight lines, turned the mower off and then realised there’s a crying child in the house where Captain Wife has been pulling her hair out for the last half hour. I’ve gone inside after this situation and felt stink because I’ve been lucky enough to be away from the tears.

So, when the time is right, we Dads / First Officers must send our Captains out to be themselves. Take some shore leave, drink coffee, even wine, have fun! We get to feel proud and tell of our successes flying the ship and our better halves get to be themselves and be with other adults in a situation that isn’t about kids or dominated by having to wrangle them. This pays dividends for everyone although there are sacrifices. When we enter into this world of being the lead caregiver for those precious few hours, all that other stuff must now sit and wait. There will be no water-blasting, messing about on the internet or tinkering with nothing in particular in the workshop while the kids grub about. It’s on the floor kid time and everything else must wait.

I can look after them just fine on my own now. I just can’t have anything else important to do.

-Dave Smart