My children were removed from my care when my youngest was just a baby; it was 10 months before I could see my 3 young children. For me gaining access wasn't automatic I had to earn it and push for it, I didn't get much, 1 1/2 hours every fortnight which was then reduced to once a month because it was difficult for the children's mother to keep bringing the children to the centre.
I kept asking "when can I see my children?" and "what do I need to do now?" and I kept it up, never giving up, and my reward was the same 1 1/2 hours with my children once a month for 5 years. The best 1 1/2 hours of my month, I looked forward to it every time, I thought nothing of the time in between, it was time I needed to do what ever was needed for me to do to move forward and to show I was not going to walk away from my children.
My love and commitment to my children got myself out of the way of progress, and progress came after my 5 years of seeing my children in an access centre, it came in the form of supervised access outside of the access centre for 3-4 hours at a time, then to unsupervised access a short time later, it was clear to all that saw, I was not a threat to my children.
I knew at the beginning as I do now I am my children's father, and to be a father is to be responsible, even when it looks like you may never get the chance to be a father.
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Gaining access to your
Gaining access to your children will sap the strength from the strongest man, support is non existent from family organizations, and can be rife with suspicion from friends and family, so many fathers will go it alone, I went it alone.
I am clear my children did not ask to be brought into this world, I made that choice and I am responsible for it, I owe them my love and commitment and I give it freely.
Make time for your family, place them first even if like me you are a part time parent.
You are a Full Time Father
It's the sadest thing to
It's the sadest thing to hear from a dad that he wouldn't bring his children into the world again. You are absolutely right about the sad state of affairs we live in. Many family and community values which we have had for centuries have just gone out the window and have been replaced by chasing the dollar. It's time to change this ... now! - Stef
Well if hind sight is 20/20
Well if hind sight is 20/20 I would never bring children into this world again.
There is no doubt there are a lot of irresponsible fathers out there and like mothers, we all make mistakes but I find it hard to believe that people think most men walk away from their kids because they don't love them.
I have met so many fathers who have just given up on access not because they don't love their kids, they just no longer have the strength.
What a sad state we live in. When in industrialize countries like Canada and the USA, we are worse than a third world country be legislators deny children their most basic and fundamental need, the automatic need for a child to bond with both parents.
Hi Paul Thank you very much
Hi Paul
Thank you very much for you kind words of support.
I am positive and happy with the progress I have made with regards to the access with my amazing children.
It is very important to remain positive and focused in the face of no agreement.
Thank you Paul I hope to see from you
Eric
Hi Eric. Thanks for your
Hi Eric.
Thanks for your posting. I really know that feeling of disempowerment. The best advice I can give you as someone who has been through the same thing, is just keep on chipping away. Don’t give up. The love you feel for your kids is separate to anything else that is going on within your life at the moment, your love is a constant and everything else will change. That is a promise from me to you.
Time goes by so fast so focus on you and listen to yourself. get to be the best person you can be. You can only be as good a parent as you can, given the circumstances as they are. If you remain a constant in their life as best you can, as they grow they will make their own minds up and this will be regardless of what anyone else has to say. You are their dad and that will win the day. I obviously don’t know about your personal situation other than what you have given, but your kids will be your kids, this time next year and the year after that, and in ten years time and indeed 20! Give it time. Remain focused and it will get better.
Be happy Eric, Be open and be there!
Your friend
Paul
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