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Only child - lonely child?
Submitted by stefan on Wed, 17/03/2010 - 11:44am
Another thing to bear in mind is that social concepts like sharing, taking turns and team play take a long time to develop and may not fully be grasped by the little ones until they are at school age. E.g. it takes quite a while to understand the "division of roles / labour" in a team (which is why you always see the whole team of pre-schoolers running towards the ball in a bambino football match). There is also a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Just as the old saying goes that you can feel lonley in a sea of people, it is also true that you can be alone without feeling lonely. So it's absolutely no problem for only children (or all children in fact) to spend some time on their own doing whatever. That doesn't mean they are lonely. Loneliness has been described as the absence of identification, understanding or compassion. So it's again up to parents to ensure that children (only or not) feel understood and have a sense of belonging. -Stefan Trackback URL for this post:http://diyfather.com/trackback/1352
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Recently we've been having a few discussion with parents over the "only child" myth. There is a perception among parents or parents-to-be that only children are often spoilt, antisocial and lonely. It is true? No ... or not necessarily. While having only one child creates a situation that can bring out certain tendencies in children, parents can easily counterbalance the lack of social interaction between kids at home. e.g. by involving only children in lots of social settings, such as day care, play groups, sleepovers and team sports. An only child won't turn into a spoilt brat just because he doesn't have any siblings ... if he turns into a spoilt brat it's mostly because of his parents who spoiled him.
I also have an only child,
I also have an only child, he's 21 now but he did have a lot of social anxiety growing up it has gotten a lot better through counseling.
I do agree with you that only
I do agree with you that only child parents not necessary will bring up spoil brats. That again is a stereotype that people have developed. I love the way you have drawn that thin line between being alone and feeling lonely. I love how you have come clean with both the concept and made some of our dumb wit parents get some insight into your belief.
Children suffering from
Children suffering from family and social isolation need moral support to overcome stress, anxiety. My son was socially isolated never willing to go outside in any social gathering. Thanks to the counselors who offered counseling programs and behavioral therapies for my loneliness kid.
Hey Sara - thanks for your
Hey Sara - thanks for your comment! WOW - I haven't heard many people say that they always wanted to be an only child!
Cheers - Stef
I have 3 brothers and 1
I have 3 brothers and 1 sister and am close to none. My sister and I clashed more than we played well together, although we were so close in age. We were just so intensely different and have admitted that, if we met in life as unrelated people, we never would have been friends. So having siblings is no guarantee by any means that one will have friends later in life.
Neither is my husband close at all to his 4 brothers and 1 sister. I have seen only children grow up with much better social-interaction and team-dynamic understanding than many. To tell you the truth, although I love my siblings, I always wanted to be an only child. Not to be spoiled, but because it was always so noisy in our house. Parents with only children seem less tired.
Good point ... I hadn't
Good point ... I hadn't thought of the middle age / old age. Then again the same applies - having no brothers or sisters doesn't mean you'll be on your own when you are old. Actually I think it's more likely you'll be alone in your old age when you don't have children.
Anyway - good thought!
-Stef
I agree with Stefan; however,
I agree with Stefan; however, as I see it, the »only child - lonely child« issue extends far beyond the childhood years.
I am a 43 year old father with a 3 year old daughter. Sure, I think it would be good for Stella to have a sibling while she's growing and developing, but frankly, I am more concerned about her adult years. Think about it: When she's 30, I'll be 73. By the time she's my age ...? Yeah, it might be nice for her to have a sibling or two - an extended family with immediate members of her own generation.
xx
Tod Alan Spoerl
Now that my wife is pregnant
Now that my wife is pregnant for the second time, I feel a little bad about not being able to be there as much for my boy. But really, there's probably an upside to not having a parent who can be with a child all the time and answer every time the child calls.