Other people's kids

There is a theory that humans instinctively gravitate towards other humans with which they share characteristics - physically and mentally. The idea is twofold, as it relates to survival, both in terms of trust and in terms of the likelihood of shared genes. As an evolutionary mechanism it makes perfect sense that we should have these innate psychological responses, as they would have been naturally selected for in a prehistoric world where different tribes and races competed for resources and territory by trying to kill each other.

Recently I have attempted to see whether the same mechanism might explain why I can just about tolerate some of our boys’ school friends, yet find others quite repellent. Someone once said that “children are similar to farts – we enjoy our own, but can’t stand other people’s.” I wouldn’t go quite that far, but there are certainly relatively few who don’t irritate like an itch under a plaster cast. I can only assume that our boys are subject to corresponding filters in the minds of their parents too.

I have to remember anyway that our boys’ preferences are still being developed and that they will ultimately be different from my own, so I never express my opinion about their friends as a matter of principle. Well, I try not to anyway, the little………treasures! Besides, it is quite possible that the most annoying children may turn out to be the most reliable friends and vice versa. My solution therefore, is to let our boys learn from their own mistakes.

Actually I have found that the one’s who don’t annoy me pass almost unnoticed, rather like familiar pieces of furniture. Come to think of it, that is true of my own children too. No wonder they have to throw tantrums and fight at every given opportunity – it is only their sweet way of eliciting a response from my jaded-parent brain. Being the dutiful husband and father can be like that, don’t you find?

By Gerard Cheshire