Just as I got into bed last night I received a text from my daughter. It read "One hundred years from now it will not matter what sort of house I lived in or the car I drove, because the world maybe different because I was important in the life of a child." I lay there in silence for some time and re-read the text as I thought it through.

Just to let you know, my daughter is twenty one and I have just turned forty one, literally last week. She announced on my birthday, by way of sending me a scan via our phones, a picture of my yet unborn, three-month old grandchild. Stunned is the word I would use to describe my 41st birthday! Anyway now you know a little about me, I want to get back to my point, and the point being is this. I love my daughter, she is the single most important person in my life and there have been many painful times over the years where my sexuality could have compromised my ability to be the father I wanted to be. I had to fight very hard to keep Emily in my life when I spilt with my then wife. She had huge issues of anger to manage, and I had huge issues of failure to factor into my life at the time. We had to meet somewhere in the middle. This was not a period of my life I would want to re-visit. It was tough, lonely and painful. My need to begin my journey as a gay man was greater than the cultural pressure to remain a husband.

I made a promise to myself some 15 years ago that when I left my wife, I was not leaving Emily. I managed to keep that promise and I have been richly blessed because of it. Emily and I learnt from each other as the years rolled by, as to how best handle tricky issues. Many of these were around my same sex attraction, and my ability to remain honest and open with Emily, forged a strong and resilient bond. This has been impenetrable from any outside influences. She is an adult herself now and I looked on as she develops, with a sense of amazement at our achievement. I had to go out and find me but I still managed to grow up as a gay man, and still be a damn good dad.

Hopefully both Emily and myself can enjoy the next chapters of our lives, her as a mum herself and me as a grandpa! Watch this space dudes.

Paul

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