Question to DIYFather: Becoming a dad again

I have been a dad before. Mid 90′s to be exact. I have not seen my daughter since 2000. I would like to be a dad again. I am now in my mid-40′s though, and finding a woman who is younger than 35, who wants to have kids AND wants to hook up with someone my age is proving a nightmare. Most women under 40 don’t want anyone over 35. I feel very left out in the cold. I am finding it hard to even find a solo mum who wants a partner and someone to be a dad to her kid(s). I remember a while back you couldn’t fight them off … now it seems they don’t want another man in their life – they are quite happy thank you very much just being the single mother raising their kid(s) – without any male influence. If you have any thoughts and ideas I’d be interested in hearing them.

-Sam

7 Responses to Question to DIYFather: Becoming a dad again

  1. scott says:

    Sam this is a great question! Firstly can i ask how come you havent seen your daughter that you do have? Shouldnt you like at trying to rectify what you have got rather then looking for something that you havent got? Just a question! I have been told by various women how are in their late 30′s that there is a “man drought” on!! Hmmm where is this and does this pertain to lots of other 30 something women that cant find a man. Seems a few of these “solo mums” are really just looking for “mr right now” not “mr right”

    Have you tried internet dating there seems to a lot of women on there – you might know how it reads – one lady owner, never been thrashed, only used on sundays, little bit of rust around the sides, too many spare tires!!!! this equals TROUBLE. Personally like the many owners, was a company vehicle, has been whipped, used everyday on long trips not just around town, NO rust, has a space saver.

    Good luck

  2. Sam says:

    Thanks guys for your input. I think part of my problem is I have a list of requirements for a partner and I’ve yet to meet someone who even has a few of them! My main issues are: non-smoker, open-minded, has a brain, isn’t a control-freak and knows how to love me back!
    I’d like to be able to see my daughter again but I am having a difficult time finding her mother – she seems to have disappeared. I know where they were, but all attempts to find them now have drawn a blank.
    I’ve not really known my girl since she was 2. I saw her briefly when she was 6 and that was the last I have seen of her. She will be 14 soon – and to even try to catch up with lost time now would be impossible.
    Hence I’d like to start again and this time grow with the child and hopefully be with them throughout their growing years.

  3. anonymous says:

    ur comment ” Seems a few of these solo mums” are really just looking for “mr right now” not “mr right” … Maybe mommy isnt looking for “mr anyone”. Afterall, what does it teach the kids when mommy is seemingly bringing men home a dime a dozen.
    Me: single for 2 years and hit on by men daily (theres no man drought! lol)
    Finally meeting a man and imediately knowing he was the right one so of coarse i grabbed him up and still have em. Now married and deciding if we should have a child together, im 38, hes 47.
    Sam, maybe ya have this need to fill the void in your life concerning your child that you havent seen….having another child wont do that….and who’s to say that the “new young” girl wont pick up and disappear on you too…then you will have 2 voids to fill! im sure ya get the point so good luck to you.

  4. eric says:

    Hi Sam

    Hang in there buddy, and don’t stress so much about what “looks like ‘Most women under 40 don’t want anyone over 35′”

    My brother in-law is 40 and has a 25 year old partner who is happy to make him a dad again, I’m not sure where you are looking or how you are looking. But I know there a lot of women out there looking for a great man.

    Good Luck

    Eric

  5. MrG says:

    Hi anon
    How is that working for you? I am in a committed relationship with a lovely 35 year old woman who is so amazingly caring, genuine and honest it is wonderful. In fact, I am not sure what to make of it as I have never felt this before – despite being married previously. I love her to bits. I am 49 and have one child (11) and he gets on OK with H. although the love languages are a bit different in terms of a natural connection.

    The issue is that H. would like to have a baby. She would be a stunning mum, but I am full of self doubt that I am ‘too old’ and that is doing my head in. I am fit and healthy in all ways, good career and so on, yet I am struggling with the prospect of being a 70 year old with a 20 year old kid! I am sure this is not new, but it is a challenge for me.

    Any thoughts on how it has gone with any others out there would be great.

  6. anonymous says:

    Perfectly natural wish on Sam’s part to want to be a dad again when he has lost contact with his daughter. My daughter was born to my first wife in 1981 and although her mother kept me out of her life till she was 3 or 4, by which time I had re-married. After that I saw her usually once or twice a month until 2004, when she became reclusive, though we still exchange e-mails. No kids by my second wife who has been in poor health since we married. I yearn for the opportunity to become a dad again and this time to be allowed to be involved in helping raise the child, but I worry that if/when I ever do have another kid I may be too old to be the energetic dad that a child deserves, I’m already 57, though right now I feel half that age.

  7. anonymous says:

    I’m 41 and my wife is 29, we now have 2 children under 2 and i’m loving being a parent all over again. MY other son is 12 but doesnt live with us.

    Its not about going out to look for someone with those very tight requirements, find someone you’re happy to spend the rest of your life with and if they’re happy having kids then that would be good too, but expecting someone to be all you want isnt going to happen at your age, its all about compromise.

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