Wife Approval Tip 4 – Use her cycle

No, no, no – not her bicycle, her menstrual cycle! For generations men have been suffering at the vicious hands of our lady-folk’s egg-dropping routine, but now it’s time to fight back and earn some Dadgets for our centuries of hardship.

The key to this tip is knowing your wife’s cycle, so I suggest investing in a pocket calendar or some clever iPhone application (search the app store for something like “How can I track when my wife is going to turn into a crazed lunatic each month”). Armed with this information, you’ll know the best time to bite.

Now you might expect my next piece of advice to be based on asking for Dadget-purchase authority when she is not in her monthly mood. In fact, I encourage you to do exactly the opposite. Whip out that huge list of elaborate and expensive Dadgets that you know she’ll never approve, and ask her at the worst possible time of the month. Not only will she say ‘No’ to each and every one of your suggestions, but she’ll also singe your eyebrows with the flames coming from her mouth.

Now to the real beauty of the plan. Later in the month, when she’s over the she-devil phase, ask her to sign off on a more realistic Dadget. Any initial reluctance can be overcome by the body of evidence that she flat-refused 20 other purchases you proposed only last week, and ended up pinning you against the wall with a meat cleaver during the discussion. Guilt will ensue, and approval will follow.

“Darling, muffin-pie – do you mind me buying a Nintendo Wii? Henry would love it!”

“No. He’s only 10 months old, don’t be so ridiculous.”

“But only last week you refused to buy Henry that battery-powered Jeep convertible and the video wall for his bedroom. Don’t you remember how you swore at me so viciously while you were saying ‘no’?”

“I…er…well, I suppose a Wii would be OK. I’m sorry for being such a grump. And pick up a new torch for the car while you’re shopping, darling.”

“Your kindness reflects glowingly in the font of your beauty.”

-Craig Alan Williamson
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