We just got the following study about mental health issues of separated fathers. Makes for interesting reading if you like academic papers.

Abstract
Mental health disorders are highest among adults who are separated and divorced, with 23% of men in this group reporting a mental illness. Separated men are more likely to commit suicide compared with married men. In Australia, there are over 53,100 divorces per annum, involving almost 50,000 children. To date, little research has been conducted on the mental health of separated men who are fathers.

Aims: Using a pilot qualitative study, parenting and health issues reported by 23 south-east Queensland separated fathers were examined. The pilot study informed the selection of correlates and measurements for the quantitative study. The aims of the subsequent quantitative study of 80 Queensland separated fathers were to examine:

Dealing with divorce around the holidays is extremely difficult. Throughout the first year after separating, there is a great sense of missing something. Holidays and especially celebrating Christmas after the break up of a family can be traumatic and research shows that safe, continued, contact between children and the family members who no longer live with their kids is important for the children's well-being.

Here are some useful tips to help support your children through the holiday season:

• Try hard to put your children's needs first. Christmas is a time for children to enjoy themselves and have fun, not feel torn between their families.


• Planning, involvement and good communication are the key to the success of Christmas. Children will feel happier if they know what is going to happen in advance.


• Constantly reinforce to your children that you love them and that the separation is not their fault.

I am divorcing and my children are with me half of the time (seven out of fourteen days, to be exact). Remaining a parent, under these conditions, makes our telephone conversations like the fruit that gets pressed on the spike to make juice. If I squeeze it hard enough, I will get the sweetest, largest drink. With every question, every detail, I squeeze and twist harder.

So, hearing their stories gives me this tell-able past. It's a past that I cannot have but can at least hear told, so I cling to their stories. I spoke with my children tonight on the telephone, and it reminded me of how each one of them has become a story in his or her own right.

A father can not spend enough time with his children; especially when the family has been pulled apart by a separation or divorce. Children will need a tremendous amount of support from both parents in order to adjust to this new arrangement. This means that fathers need to work with mothers to set up a visitation schedule that will ease the trauma of the separation.

A father should seek the maximum amount of visitation that is allowed and then ask for more! This request should come immediately after the separation to ensure that the children don’t miss any “father” time. Once this visitation schedule has been set, it is important for fathers to utilize every single visitation that has been agreed upon.

Are men to blame for the divorce problem in this country?

It’s been said that one of the reasons for the high rate of divorce in this country is the manner in which men choose their wives. Specifically, they choose their wives in a fashion similar to how they choose their next car.

They get the best-looking one available, and hope there’s not much maintenance down the road.

While this may occasionally be true, there are also practices that married couples need to follow to avoid adding to a divorce rate hovering around 50%.

These practices are important for the success of your marriage, and they’re also essential for the well-being of your children.

In Maggie Gallagher’s book, “The Abolition of Marriage,” she states that, “Half of all children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent’s second marriage.”

The following is an abstract from Helen McKeering's paper on health issues faced by separated men which is published here with her kind premission.

Mental health disorders are highest among adults who are separated and divorced, with 23% of men in this group reporting a mental illness. Separated men are more likely to commit suicide compared with married men. In Australia, there are over 53,100 divorces per annum, involving almost 50,000 children. To date, little research has been conducted on the mental health of separated men who are fathers.

When I had my children I was a young father of 23 with 3 very beautiful babies which I had promised my life too. I worked hard all day, and then would come home to help with the babies, cook, feed and clean I enjoyed every minute of it.
Then one day I decided to fulfil on a childhood dream and join the ARMY… bad idea? Don’t know…

I did my training and went to basic training, keeping in constant contact with my young family back home, then once completing basic training I caught a ride home proud as anything and excited to see my family.

I marched right into an empty house…

It was the end of my own ideal, the beginning of another.

As the years rolled on and my children continue to grow and develop into intelligent, social and active beings, it was obvious they have had some fantastic parenting.

50% of all marriages fail and it is higher for the second marriage and so on, with that in mind is Separation and Divorce considered normal?

My mother left the family home when I was just 7, it was still the 70s and divorce wasn't yet that common, my friends still had an intact family. My brother and I were brought up by our father, we had no idea anymore of what was normal. All you know is that you don't see one of your parents as often as you would like.

12 years later I am separated from my first wife, with 3 babies. Is this me keeping the cycle of broken families alive?

My children were removed from my care when my youngest was just a baby; it was 10 months before I could see my 3 young children. For me gaining access wasn't automatic I had to earn it and push for it, I didn't get much, 1 1/2 hours every fortnight which was then reduced to once a month because it was difficult for the children's mother to keep bringing the children to the centre.

I kept asking "when can I see my children?" and "what do I need to do now?" and I kept it up, never giving up, and my reward was the same 1 1/2 hours with my children once a month for 5 years. The best 1 1/2 hours of my month, I looked forward to it every time, I thought nothing of the time in between, it was time I needed to do what ever was needed for me to do to move forward and to show I was not going to walk away from my children.

I was a young father, I guess when you consider the ages of my 3 children I will always be a young father, but as much as I hate to say it I was too immature to bring up my 3 children, as much as I loved them and worked hard to house, clothe and feed them it wasn't enough.

I was a terrible husband to my first wife; we fought all the time about how we should bring up our children, we would scream, yell and slam doors, worst of all in front of our little babies. Then in 1996 I went to ARMY basic training, which lasted about a month or more and it was hell, but what got me through was the phone calls and letters I would get from my family and the thought that I will have my babies in my arms soon. Then it was finally over and it was time to go home, I was so proud of becoming a solider and looking forward to holding my babies, but it wasn't to be. I came home to an empty house ... CYF had uplifted my babies and their mother the day before.